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Each year I struggle with writing “the story,” the story of the death of my son. Friday, August 3, 2011, Larkin died. This year August 3rd is on a Friday. As I watch the day begin to unfold, I am nervous. I am anxious. I am sad. I never know if I should share my story, so many of you already know the story. But, if sharing will help one person cope or find peace with a loss or a situation in their life, then the pain of remembering is worth all.
Remembering is not always painful. I find myself smiling and even laughing when I think of activities involving Larkin. I am going to write a book, one day. The book will be called “The War Daddy.” I first heard the term war daddy at Larkin’s funeral. Coach Winston Mullins was one of the speakers at his funeral. When Winston called Larkin a war daddy, I thought “oh my gosh, what has he done now.” Winston went on to explain that Larkin was the go to guy. The person who wanted and a coach wanted to be on the mound with all odds against him. Larkin wanted a full count so he could shut the player down at the plate. He would do whatever it took to win in football or baseball…he would go that extra mile for victory.
I’ve often wondered why Larkin didn’t go the extra mile to live. You see, Larkin committed suicide at the age of 22 while a senior at Ole Miss. A Chancellor scholar who attended Ole Miss on a baseball scholarship met something in his life he could not over power. We’ll never know the reason he took his own life. I often think of how much he must have been hurting. 
Each year 44,965 American die by suicide.
What about those of us who are left behind? How do we go forward. 
Often when there is a suicide in a family, I will get a call. What could I possibly tell someone to lighten their pain? I can tell them of the healing powers of Jesus Christ. I can tell them of Christ who walks with me in the darkest hours. I can tell them of the love that never leaves me through our Lord and Savior. I can pray.
When you experience the darkest times in your life, hold tightly to our Savior who loves you completely. Jesus’ love does not mean no pain. Jesus love means never being alone.
I miss my loud mouth, fun loving, drive me nuts son. Every day of my life I miss Larkin. My heart will never be the same. My life will never be the same. I became a person I did not know or want to know. 
Love your family. Love your friends. Love your city. Love your state. Love your country…in other words, love. Show kindness to others. We do not know the path someone is walking or has walked. Don’t be quick to judge. Some days, we are doing the best we can to just survive.
When faced with the death of Larkin, I knew I had to make a decision about the rest of my life. I wanted to get under the bed and never come out. I never wanted to see anyone again. But, I knew the decision of how I would live my life was up to me and would affect my other sons. I chose to live. Yes, I made the decision to go forward in life to love again to laugh again. The decision did not come easy and has not been easy…but for me, to live was the right decision.
My prayer for you ,if you are facing terrible sadness in your life, is that you will make the decision to live…and live life no matter how hard it is to the fullest. Jesus will walk with you. Your family will walk with you and many of your friends will walk with you. Lean on others and allow them to help.
Thank you for allowing me to share a little about Larkin. Thank you to the people who have never forgotten my son. Thank you to the people who have stood by me…who have walked and or walking this path with me…you, my friends & family, are the heroes.
(The main picture is one of the last times I saw Larkin. Larry and Martha Craft, Larkin and I attended a wedding in Atlanta. We went to a Braves game following the wedding. He was a happy boy!)
Each year at MS State, Emily Crace honors Larkin’s memory with a burning candle for suicide victims. 
(Larkin loved Luke Shivers!)
God bless you Sue as you walk through life without him. Thank you for your testimony I pray this will help so many that are hurting . I pray that they will call on Jesus as you have. Love Sandra Kennedy
Love you!