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That day (August 3rd) is here. A day that is forever burned in my mind. On August 3, 2001, my middle son, Larkin, took his own life while a student at Ole Miss. Many of you know this…some may be just learning this fact.
The death of a child is almost unbearable. The pain never goes away. The questions never go away. The deep deep loss that lives in your heart and soul can almost eat you alive. Now, sixteen years later, I still battle these demons…but through Jesus Christ I have learned to “face tomorrow.”
After Larkin died, I kept waiting to “get well.” Why couldn’t I get well? I really tried. I went to therapy. I read every book anyone brought me. I pushed myself to go forth in life…and I just couldn’t get well. You don’t get well…you chose to live well or live dying. My parents were very adamant about “going forth.” My mother and daddy always said if you could not change something figure out how you could get through it. Little did I know “it” would be the death of a child.
I often think of the picture of Jesus carrying the person through the sand…Jesus carried me for many many years and still does. Jesus was often a friend, a family member, or even a stranger…Jesus provided…and He still provides everyday…not just on August 3rd.
If you are battling a deep hurt…try Jesus. Yes, He does answer prayers. Yes, He will carry you. Yes, He will listen when others are sick of your whining. Yes, He will stand by you in the darkest hours.
The support I have received since “that” day from my family and friends is unbelievable. Never once, did my family or friends leave me…never once were they not there for my tears. I am blessed with a wonderful family and friends.
My boys, Dickey and Breck, were devastated. Larkin and Breck were only 12 months apart. They really didn’t now life without the other. Dickey and Larkin had a special relationship. Dickey enjoyed Larkin…most of the time. Larkin was fun, funny and full of life. Dickey stood at the funeral and gave a beautiful eulogy to the brother he had lost. Larkin was the pitcher and Breck was the catcher…all their lives. Just a few weeks ago, Larkin’s Class of 1996 held their 20th class reunion. One of Larkin’s friends posted a picture of the group in high school and mentioned how much they missed Larkin. One of Larkin and Breck’s coaches replied…”Oh my do I wish that to.. unbelievable Kid to coach! He was truly special!! And loved the way Breck kept him in line!!” Breck did try to keep Larkin in line…but that was impossible. Breck chose to name his first child after his brother…even though “she” was a girl! So, now I have another Larkin Honea in my granddaughter!
Diane McPhail came to my work (Magee Post office) and brought me the news of Larkin’s death. Often, I think how hard this was for her. She knew what I was facing. She knew the pain that was going to become a lifelong partner. But, she came. She stood with me then as she does now.
Thank you to the family and friends who stand with me. Thank you to the people who understand when July 4th comes and the weather gets very very hot, I go to a “place” in my mind that is very dark and very sad. July 4, 2001 is the last day I saw Larkin alive.
I will always have a sadness in my heart. I will always have a loneliness in my heart. But, I have joy! Joy that comes from having Jesus as my Savior. Joy from having family and friends who truly care. The toll Larkin’s death takes on me doesn’t end. Again, I don’t get well. But, I love life…I love my friends…I love you for allowing me to share my heart. And I promise you, if you are hurting deep, hold on! Life is worth living even with the pain living brings. I am always here for anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on or a person they can scream at for the unfairness of life. We all know life is not fair. But, we make life what it is…try Jesus. He makes every day worth living.
I hope you will enjoy the pictures of Larkin. Thank you for allowing me to share. I truly did not mean to write such a long article! I know how no one wants to read “pages.” But, sometimes it takes a lot of pages to just say a little. I’ll share some more Larkin stories through the years. I’m still working on my book about him. I just can’t decide how much I should tell! Ha
I can just hear Larkin yelling “Super Sue.” That is what he called me! Well, Super Sue is a little old and tired now, Larkin…but she never tires of your love even in death.
(The featured picture is one of the last pictures I have of Larkin before he died. We were in Atlanta with Larry and Martha Craft for a wedding June 2001. This picture is a treasure. Thank you Martha and Larry.
The next picture with the fish was made on a trip with his Ole Miss buddies. The last picture is some of his classmates from the SCA Class of 1996)
(as a side note: Luke Shivers of Shivers Electric was a very very good friend of Larkin’s. I love Luke!)
