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This is one of the hardest times of the year for me…the hot hot days of July means the approaching day of my grandsons, Connor and Preston, returning to Florida following a few weeks visit in Mississippi…the time also signifies the coming date of the anniversary of my middle son’s death date (August 3, 2001). My heart burns just like the heat from the summer sun burns my feet when I walk barefoot on the pavement…My heart struggles just as many struggle to breath in this humid heat…but with the burning and struggling also comes a renewal of the love and power of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. I never thought I could weather the storm of losing a child…and some days I don’t do too well…but I have and I can because Jesus wraps me in His arms and brings a cooling into my body that replaces that burning and drowning feeling.
Following Larkin’s death, I believed I would never experience such pain again…but not so…when the summer ends and my grandsons leave my heart breaks all over again…I will see them by Thanksgiving…and if lucky maybe one time before then…but I will see them…just as I will see Larkin one day.
God has placed in my life a beautiful new grandson. He has chosen Dickey and Lynda to be the parents of a happy smiling baby boy, Hudson (8 months old)…along with my darling granddaughters, their parents…and my wonderful family and friends, I can climb this mountain. My grandmother also quoted “Life is like a mountain highway,”…and boy was she right.
But the highway brings opportunities to grow to reunite and to continue to “walk” the walk of life. The choice to go forward is mine. So many days, I just want to pull the covers over my head….cry, scream, and kick…but I serve a living God who wants me to live my life to the fullest each and everyday.
I know many of you are in a dark place…perhaps you are struggling with sickness, death, financial problems…I do not know one person who isn’t facing some type of fear in their life….but you know what…we can face these fears together…and as I pray for you…please pray for me…Monday my wild and crazy, fun loving, baseball playing, smart as a whip son will have been dead 14 years. I never believed I would be writing or saying “My son has been dead 14 years”…because I didn’t believe I would be alive to say those words….I just knew by then I would have died from a broken heart. God had great things in store for me in my “older” years…things I never believed would happen to me…”I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain…I’ve seen lonely days I did not think would end…but I always thought I would see you again “ (Fire and Rain by James Taylor)
Maybe we see our deceased loved ones in different forms than expected. Who would ever have thought I would (with a lot of help from my friends!) develop a website that during the month of June received 22 million hits…sometimes I think that is Larkin’s way of pushing me on…encouraging me to set goals… to think “outside the box” just as he did.
When I hug Connor and Preston bye Friday (their plane leave Sunday morning), a little part of me will die…a retching pain will take hold of my heart…tears will flow…I just keep thinking, wasn’t the lost of Larkin enough…why must I suffer this type of pain again…but it is through pain that we become the person we are…we are tested…and sometimes we fail…but God never fails… and I will be leaning heavy on my heavenly Father these next few days. Pray for me…I ask for your prayers… the days become dark and my heart draws in tighter…please just put up with my craziness for these next few days…I need time to grieve…and I think I’ve earned it.
I don’t think any of you realize the impact your faithfulness and encouragement means to me as I “wobble” along with MageeNews.com. Just this morning (Thursday), I received a text saying “good job” with the videos…another tonight with loving those candidate videos…we need to encourage others…reach out to someone who is hurting…to someone who is sad or alone…thank you for reaching out to me.
Larkin died at the age of 22 at the end of summer school while a senior at Ole Miss. He is pictured with Walt Prince, brothers Dickey and Breck; friend Tara Robinson, and his other mama, Gladys Adams. He loved God, family, baseball, SCA, Ole Miss, and girls!
Baby Larkin is 3 and Harleigh is 14 months. 
